BIG BOVINE

Take a virtual tour of Salem Sue: the world’s largest Holstein cow.

JESUS SWIMMING BY

You’re sitting at your computer, minding your own business when, suddenly, Jesus swims by.

TV DINNER GUIDE

It’s Monday evening. You’ve had a hard day at work. You’ve managed to make it home through grueling traffic jams. You open your freezer and what do you see..........?

Nothing?!?

Not a problem. You tool down to the local supermarket and survey the great wasteland known as the TV dinner aisle. It is here that confusion, curiosity, and ignorance merge together to cloud the “bachelorean” sense of judgment.

The following guide is provided as a public service to my fellow comrades...

CLEAN AND UNCLEAN

It is not unlawful to swallow the food that exits from between the teeth as a result of flossing if one’s nature has no aversion to it.

MYSTERIOUS PEOPLE

Who are these people?

339 PUKE SYNONYMS

Abdominal voorheaves
Appetizing the audience
Bail the rail (mung overboard!!!)
Barf
Barf mulch
Bark at the moon
Bark like a seal
Bark'n up breakfast
Barking at the ants
Bending and sending

GRAVES OF THE FUTURE

Every human has a unique fingerprint, an original voice and a personality entirely their own. It seems so strange that the memorials crafted to honor these unique individuals are so uniform and pay little homage to the person remembered. With so many cultures and histories, individual quests and life pursuits, shouldn’t we have a diversity of options to remember our beloved? Lundgren Monuments creates handmade translucent cast glass memorials as an alternative to the traditional granite and bronze headstones.

DUMPSTER DIVING

Scenario 1: You are driving down the street and see a perfectly good object on the curbside. Are you willing to stop and toss it in the trunk?

Scenario 2: Your neighbors toss out their newspapers in the recycle bin. Are you willing to pick up extra coupon inserts from their bins?

Scenario 3: You are bored one night and looking for something fun to do. Are you willing to venture into dumpster diving for cheap entertainment?

THERE IS NO OTHER

Treat Your Mother Right (with Mr. T)

KRAZY AD CHARACTERS

A glimpse, perhaps a dream.

BOOTLEG TOYS

What are bootleg toys? Well, they are counterfeit or knock off toys. Often, these toys are not made with any safety standards at all. Don’t let your kids play with bootleg toys. Bootleg toys really are kinda dangerous for children.

THEY FIGHT CRIME!

He’s an obese moralistic paranormal investigator with a passion for fast cars. She’s a bloodthirsty insomniac journalist who hides her beauty behind a pair of thick-framed spectacles. They fight crime!

PERSONAL RESTROOM

The Restop Personal Lavatory System is like carrying your own portable bathroom stall, without the weight (or the wait).

AMERICA’S THE BEST

Everybody, who thinks America is not good, is just jealous!!!

BUMPER STICKERS

I Park Like an Idiot!

WE LOVE CLOUDS

At The Cloud Appreciation Society we love clouds, we’re not ashamed to say it and we’ve had enough of people moaning about them. Read our manifesto and see how we are fighting the banality of “blue-sky thinking.” If you agree with what we stand for, then join the society for a minimal postage and administration fee and receive your very own official membership certificate and badge.

MULLET MARATHON

In 2002, a mullet commando unit was sent to a hair stylist for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security salon to the Orlando underground. Today, still wanted by the fashion police, they survive as runners of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can catch them, maybe you can run with the Mullet Marathon.

EMAIL GALLERY

How does the fraud work? The bait is the fictional millions of dollars described in each one of these letters. The goal is to get you to come up with money for the “expenses” required to transfer those millions to you. The victim thinks, a few hundred or a few thousand dollars is trivial when $31 million is at stake. Each demand for more money is claimed to be the very last obstacle before the big money is released. Sometimes, the victim is lured to Nigeria, where even worse things happen.

POLITICAL BIAS

Just enter some text, in English, and Wordcounter’s Political Vocabulary Analysis will statistically measure the document’s vocabulary to try to predict its political leanings.

BREAD IS DANGEROUS

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!