BEARD RESEARCH

I ski (XC) in the winter. I run in the winter. I cycle in the winter. I have a beard. People have been saying, "A beard keeps you warmer."

Sure it sounds good, but has anybody ever really tested this theory? In the interest of science, I thought of cutting off my beard for a winter to determine if it would be colder without it. Thinking about it for a while, I realized that this was no good. Maybe it would be a warmer (colder) winter this year. Maybe I would forget how cold (warm) it was last year.

I needed a control! Another person was no good; their perception of cold may not agree with mine. I had only one choice. Shave half of my beard.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

I was shocked and surprised when I saw the sign at your Amarillo, Texas restaurant (the one on Western Avenue) advertising “Senior citizens: buy one get one free.” Besides the potentially terrifying consideration of where you might be obtaining the elderly people whom you are offering to give away, never have I seen such a trivialization of the value of human lives, much less human lives endowed with such a wide gamut of experience and wisdom. It is an outrage that our preceeding generations should be cast about with such little regard for their actual worth.

LOSERMOBILES

Yes This Car Still Drives!
I have seen this car moving on the road. This is another classic Losermobile, with faded paint, rusted roof. Looks like it was abandoned in 1974 fuel shortage.

IAN’S SHOELACE SITE

How many possible ways are there to lace an average shoe? This simple question, when answered with mathematics, results in some surprisingly big numbers - on an average shoe with six pairs of eyelets, there are 1,961,990,553,600 ways to feed a shoelace though those 12 eyelets.

WIN ONLINE ARGUMENTS

Criticising your opponents spelling or grammar will make you look pedantic. Far better to deliberately misread a message, then follow-up with an utterly incongruous statement. And if they make a factual error - no matter how small - make sure you're on hand to remind them of their error as often as possible.

THE UNH PROJECT

A collection of guttural moans from comics

KUNG FU QUOTES

1. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
2. Gun wounds again?
3. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
4. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.